Complete the past to embrace your future!
None of us can change our yesterdays, but all of us can change our tomorrows. – Colin Powell (Secretary of state of the USA under President George Bush).
In reality, anger, resentment and the desire for revenge are a waste of valuable energy that would be better put towards positive situations that serve us better.
By being negative, angry and unforgiving about a past hurt ensures we will attract more of the same into our life and who really needs more of that?
One way of dealing with your negative emotions is to use the ‘Total Truth Process’. This process is described by Jack Canfield in his book, The Success Principles, begin by expressing your anger and then move through six stages, to the final stage of love, compassion and forgiveness.
He says, ‘the reason I call it the total truth is that often, when we’re upset, we fail to communicate all our true feelings to the person we’re upset with. We get stuck at the level of anger or pain and rarely move past it to emotional completion. As a result, it can be difficult to feel close to – or even at ease with the other person after such an angry or painful confrontation.’
This process can be done verbally or in writing, the goal is to express the anger and hurt and then move through each stage to the final stage of love compassion and forgiveness. For the process to be effective, you need to spend an equal amount of time expressing your feelings at each stage.
If you do this verbally you MUST get the permission of the other person. If you uncomfortable doing this verbally or are unable to speak to the person use the same technique but write it down this is the Total Truth Letter, if you don’t feel you are able to send the letter then destroy it as the main purpose is to release you and your emotions not the other person, it is for you to move on.
Anger and resentment. I’m angry that … I hate that … I’m fed up with … I resent …
Hurt. It hurt me when … I felt sad when … I feel hurt that … I feel disappointed about …
Fear. I was afraid that … I feel scared when … I get afraid of you when … I’m afraid that I…
Remorse, regret, and accountability. I’m sorry that …
Please forgive me for … I’m sorry for … I didn’t mean to …
Wants. All I ever want(ed) … I want you to … I want(ed) … I deserve …
Love, compassion, forgiveness, and appreciation. I understand that … I appreciate … I love you for … I forgive you for … Thank you for …
For more life coaching tips to help you live an authentic life; a life that you know deep down you are meant to live email info@reviveyoursoul.co.uk
