I have been lying to myself...
When I left my corporate job in 1999 to pursue a new life I was lying to myself.
Perhaps it was for self preservation, I don't know.
I left and retained in Reiki, Massage and Reflexology and added a few other courses along the way, I trained as a baby massage therapist and Hopi Ear Candle practitioner and more...
When I decided to retrain as a life coach in 2010 with the Holistic Healing College, I was particularly drawn to the Soul Plan module. I don't know how I found the course or where I first saw it advertised. I knew I wanted to do something different.
I had been helping someone I worked with at the time who was struggling with his emotions; it was the anniversary of his sisters death, she had taken her own life a few years before. He said to me you should do this for a living.
I was working in sales at the time, following the breakdown of my marriage, rather than continue to pursue my journey in Holistic Health, I ventured back in to the paid sector.
Whilst I was there I built a childrens party business, which paid for my coaching course and as I built it up it was the inspiration for once again leaving my corporate job for self-employment, with the aim to build my coaching business.
I gave that business up to spend more time with someone, thinking I was doing the right thing. And in the end I found myself alone, unhappy and broke!
I started to see the pattern of handing over power!
But along that journey I found out more about myself...
And each turn gave me greater understanding as to why I am here, mainly through my Soul Plan.
I remember being on a management course in the late 90's; there were 16 of us standing on the side of a mountain, split in to 3 teams and we were looking for something, we were given co-ordinates and we all met at a point.
We were up there hours. eventually around 1am, the organisers took us individually to a point and showed us where the object we had been looking for was. It was just feet away from where we were standing.
The debrief the following day was amazing, it broke down step by step our feelings around the exercise.
My individual debrief following the event was even more insightful. I was asked why I hadn't stepped up, "Liz you are a natural leader, why didn't you step in". My response was simple; I had tried several times, but the 'team leaders' told me each time I asked, we were in the right place. I remember walking up to one of them and asking "are you sure", I was standing next to a gate and on the other-side of that gate, and 2 feet up a bank was the meeting point. "yes I am sure, these are the co-ordinates" he said.
Who was I to challenge him?
When I left my job, the story I told myself was due to stress and having a young family.
This was the only half the truth!
On my climb up to my position on several occasions I was promoted over a colleague.
He didn't like it.
A few months ago I was working with a client who had experienced something very similar. It then dawned on me, yes I had left my job due to stress, but the reason behind the stress was actually due to this situation not the one I have always stated.
The stress was actually bought on by this person challenging me at every turn. I was really good at what I did, I managed a call centre with over 100 people, I was well liked and respected for what I did.
But I found this guy undermining me and looking back I can see he was had an army of enablers around him. At one point I found myself in a meeting room with him, he was being aggressive and holding the door not allowing me to leave. I think this must have been the turning point for me, as I am fairly sure I left a few months later...
Our HR department suggested I dealt with this myself, which I did, but I believe this was the turning point for me and I left a few months later.
I saw it as a positive move and I still do, everything fell in to place once I was out, but I was still holding on to the trauma.
And just like the clarity I gave my client, it later gave me clarity to this event that happened nearly 20 years ago. How I questioned myself over and over...
I am an Empath.
I feel and see things others don't. When I am working with clients we often delve in to where the core issue is, they may tell me they can't feel it, but I can, I can feel where that emotion or trauma is held.
Through my own Soul Plan I know I struggle with assertiveness and I have been working on addressing this, but now I see the repeating pattern!
And it isn't just my working life.
The partners I have attracted in my life I have always handed over power to and I see that pattern with my father - it is just fascinating, painful, but fascinating!
I started working with the limiting belief 'who do you think you are' last year and now I am working on these patterns and the belief that others know better than me! And handing over my power to men.
I know I am on the right path teaching and speaking...
I just now need to