When you get out of an emotionally abusive relationship you are looking for answers...
But this is different from playing detective.
When you were in the relationship and things weren't making sense you went looking for answers, maybe you were being told a story that you didn't believe, or didn't make sense you start looking for answers.
You were probably Gaslighted, cognitive dissonance is used to make you believe you are going crazy and distort your reality.
Perhaps you found something and intuitively you knew you weren't being told the truth, but you were told it was all in your head or you were imagining it or you had trust issues.
Or maybe their behaviour changed and you needed to know why.
They get lazy and sloppy and aren't covering their tracks as well as they had in the past. When the relationship ended, you were left confused and you aren't going to get closure.
What happened to you? You might be feeling empty inside, lost and your brain is like mush, you can't think.
One minute you were the love of their life, and then you weren't and this can happen as quick as you can turn a light off.
This might have been going on a while, it might have been going on for years.
There was a pattern, they claimed you were the love of their life, but there were times when you wondered if this was true, you were confused they may have told you how amazing you were at something, and later they criticise you for it.
You were discarded, and everything you thought was safe and true was ripped away.
You don't understand how this happened, you did everything that was asked of you, everything!
Truly you did more... But each time the Goal Posts were moved.
How did this happen?
Who were they?
Those circular conversations... You thought problems were sorted out, plan of action in place, only to have them being raised again...
You wonder if you actually knew them...
You wonder if they really did love you...
You wonder if your relationship was real...
You need answers.
Your emotions may flip back and forth between understanding this relationship wasn't right and justifying their behaviour, this was the trauma bonding and gaslighting that took place.
You need to be so careful!
You need to understand what happened and not only what happened, but you need to take responsibility for the part you played in the relationship.
Something told you this was wrong and you ignored it, and there was a reason for this and that is the addiction to oxytocin which was being released and you felt loved and you didn't want to give it up.
And it is this drug that made it so hard to walk away. It is this drug that makes the end of the relationship so so painful.