7 Things you may notice if you are suffering from narcissistic abuse

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7 Things you may notice if you are suffering from narcissistic abuse

So the Romance is over and has crumbled around you, the fake future turned to dust. Your heart was crushed and you are left on the bathroom floor wondering what the hell happened. Meanwhile, in a faraway land, fake futures are being created for a new fairytale romance.

If at the end of your relationship you have been left wondering what the hell happened it is quite possible you had been in a relationship with an Emotional Abuser and it isn’t usually until the relationship is over that people start to wonder what did happen.

Not only are you wondering what the hell happened, but you also believe it is all your fault.

Below are just a few signs you may either be in a relationship with an emotional abuser or Toxic person. You may also be suffering from C-PTSD and Adrenal Fatigue.

1. Loneliness • You feel very lonely or empty inside, LONELINESS after being in an EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE relationship could be for many reasons, you were more focused on protecting your relationship than you were protecting yourself. There is nothing left of you, it feels like your soul has been sucked out of you. During your relationship, you might have been ISOLATED from friends and family. Perhaps it was due to TRIANGULATION, making you feel jealous, QUESTIONING everything. This feeling could be due, to the TRAUMA BONDING that took place, and the fear of not knowing how to function without them. They manoeuvred themselves into your life and then to a place of power, and then they took control of it. They are so insecure they actually fear you will leave them, so they make you believe you can’t function without them. When you were no longer of use to them, they left without a backward glance, you are left with emotions that are completely unfamiliar to you and living in fear. Those around you may be confused as to why it takes you so long to move on, you may even hear people ask why you just can’t get over it, I know I did, one comment was “shouldn’t you be over this by now?”

Everything you believed to be true is now turning out to be a lie. You have lost everything; you need time to grieve. You are grieving the FAKE FUTURE and the SOUL MATE.

This LONELINESS may bring up feelings of being unworthy, they have moved on leaving you feeling very alone, and during the DEVALUATION stage, they told you time and time again what was wrong with you.

You may have found you not only lost yourself emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually in the relationship, but you also lost your finances.

This LONELINESS is a pain that emanates from deep within your soul, you can barely function, and you don’t understand who you have become, and if the real you is still in there.

There is a gift that will come from this, and that gift is the feeling of being whole.

The pain you are experiencing, are old wounds, and I hope one day you will realise the gift they have given you, the chance to heal.

Perhaps this isn’t what you are feeling at the moment, and every ounce of you is holding yourself back from trying to re-engage with them, the pain of being out of this relationship may feel worse than the pain of being in it.

On average, people go back seven to eight times, and I believe this fear is one of the reasons.

2. Feelings of not being good enough • During the IDEALISATION stage, you were swept off your feet with the LOVE BOMBING. During the DEVALUATION stage, they are checking you are more interested in protecting the relationship than you are in protecting yourself - and they do this by making comments about your intelligence or your abilities and perhaps your goals and dreams. If you QUESTION them, you are perhaps oversensitive, or they were only joking!

And these BELITTLING comments and subtle put-downs are followed by IDEALISATION which changes the chemicals in your brain. You find yourself addicted, and you over-ride your INTUITION because they are getting you addicted to the drug of IDEALISATION.

During the DEVALUATION stage, they withdraw the attention you received at the start of the relationship, and you started to accept any little crumb they threw your way. They used techniques such as TRIANGULATION. They may have talked too much about their CRAZY EX or about anyone who gave them attention.

They used this tactic to draw you to them, they created situations that made them look popular so you would fight for their attention. They created these triangles as they love to turn people against each other, they keep them just far enough apart so they can’t compare anything, but close enough to ensure you know they are a threat. They manufactured situations to make you jealous and QUESTION their fidelity.

You may have experienced GASLIGHTING where they convinced you that what you were feeling or seeing wasn’t real, or that you didn’t understand the situation or your facts were wrong and they are so believable you actually QUESTION yourself.

You may have discovered their lies, and they may have told you, that you were wrong; or you misunderstood the situation. They possibly told you, you, were just too sensitive or perhaps they accused you of having trust issues. And you may have started to QUESTION if you were wrong, did you misunderstand what you had been told? Perhaps you had forgotten what they told you or you weren’t listening… This spiral of QUESTIONING can go on for a long time after the relationship is over and takes a long time to untangle from. They used DISCARDS to test you, to make sure you were hooked to them, and sometimes because they were bored, and were looking for a bit of excitement. They might have disappeared or not called when they said they were going to. They then reappeared with a gift or compliment, giving you back the feeling you had at the beginning of the relationships and reaffirming that they did love you!

You did notice the cracks in their MASK, but you justified their actions because they keep reaffirming their love for you by going back to the beginning of the relationship.

3. You are lost without the relationship • They may use MANIPULATION techniques to alienate you from others. They sabotage relationships resulting in you being cut off from friends and family, they may use this in professional relationships, or you may find you are no longer attending a group or club. They may have made up stories about people, feeding you information making you QUESTION your relationship with them.

You are alienated as they can’t risk you speaking to anyone who may expose them. They are visible to other people, but their bonding techniques have made them invisible to you. You may have experienced waking up to messages from them and messages before you went to bed. You believed this was because you were the first thing they were thinking about and also went the went to bed but this was for them, they love the attention they get from playing this role. And the quicker they can secure you in a relationship stepping into your life the easier it is for them.

4. Your boundaries were eroded and you are don’t know who you are • They triangulate you with others to create a sense of being popular and you end up competing with invisible people. They talk about their exes far too much and they are still in contact with them. The triangulation makes you feel insecure and you shift your focus on protecting the relationship rather than protecting yourself. You might experience coercive control, this could be sexually, things you may never consider; perhaps you have discovered an infidelity, the reason this infidelity happened because you wouldn’t oblige and you were put in a position where you had to decide if you wanted to stay in this fake relationship and compromise your own integrity and you don’t even know if this is true and of course this was all your fault.

What about your charity work or the volunteering you used to do? Why did