Why do Narcissists use Sex as a weapon?

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The chances are, if you are reading this, you are looking for answers. Trying to understand what is going on in your relationship. You have already been discarded and trying to understand what your relationship was really about. Perhaps you left the relationship, knowing it was not healthy, but not being able to put your finger on what it was and now wondering if you did the right thing.

And perhaps you are at the lowest point you have ever been in your life!

There are two camps, the one where Sex was OK but wasn't earth-shattering, but I think you were in the other where it was amazing, they were so attentive and made sure your needs were taken care of before their own.

It is doubtful the first camp will be trying to understand why sex, was so good. In a typical Narcissistic way, their Emotional Abuser went down the entitlement route and got their gratification without a thought for their partner saying something like 'how was that for you?' rolling over and promptly falling asleep.

The second camp, however, experienced something completely different, sex was used as a manipulation tool.

Falling for the sexually active abuser who understood the supply they got from gratifying their partner, and who understood, how they could use sex to manipulate, bond, and control them.

Sex was used to manipulate your emotions, in the same way, the cycle of abuse works.

Women react differently to sex than men, their hormones play a different role, and with sex, women start to bond with a partner, they see it as becoming a couple seeing sex as a commitment, trusting their partner and handing over part of themselves in this intimate act.

For men it is slightly different, they become mesmerised by the female Emotional Abuser, they are captivated by them, the Abuser ensures their needs are met. Like the widow spider who lures her mate into her web and then eats him once they have had sex.

The Emotional Abuser can easily spot what is missing from their victim's life, they put on a mask and play that role. All the questioning at the beginning of the relationship wasn't an interest in you (well, it was sort of), it was for the Abuser to gain important information to use to manipulate them. They lure their victims and get them to trust them, creating bonds that then become so difficult to break.

For women, they see the Abuser as their fairytale prince they had heard stories about, but sadly there isn't a happy ever after in this one.

For men they might be attracted by the female abuser physical beauty and caring nature, they probably weren't thinking of getting into a relationship but they were lured there by them.

And the abuser knows once they have connected with you sexually they are in a better position to trauma bond you and play more games.

Relationships are supposed to make you feel secure, and a healthy partner would make sure you felt that way, but the abuser goes out of their way to create the opposite feeling.

And one of their favourites games is triangulation.

Introducing another person into the conversation, an ex-lover or a friend or previous love interest, they may even try to sexually coerce you into performing sexual acts you are not comfortable with.

They use the cycle of abuse, love-bombing one minute, and then pushing you away the next, leaving you feeling insecure.

They talk far too much than a normal person should about their exes to create jealousy and then they might rush off and discard you only to reappear at a later date and start the cycle of abuse again.

You might catch them cheating, they may apologies and tell you how good you are together and how you are meant to be together and they are so sorry they won’t do it again - and how they want to change and you are the person who can help them do that, leaving you torn, knowing you should walk away, but bonded believing you are the only one who can help them.

Sadly their apologies are as false and empty just like they are.

They knew exactly what they were doing when they used their techniques to create the bonds that now keep you trapped. They promised you so much.

And they hooked you up again to an even stronger dose of bonding hormones, you became addicted to this feeling and you now need higher and higher doses, and this is what is keeping you trapped, you now need to wean yourself off the hormone rushes you crave.

If this has happened to you, you were bonded to the Abuser this isn’t love, this is abuse.

And it wasn't making love it was sex.

There was no real connection, they just allowed you to believe there was.

And when they know you are hooked, you start to get a glimpse of the person behind the mask, they don't need to keep the pretense up for as long, they know it will now be hard for you to walk away.

Sex is a weapon, it can now be withheld to punish you, making you question what is w